Coaching Helps Deal With The Stresses Of Change

by Ken Scroggs, LCSW, LPC, LMFT, CEAP

Many of us are dealing with the stress of the recession and the many changes it brings. Steven Covey author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People calls these times we now live and work in the “White Water” environment. He says we are in an environment with rough waters, plunging waterfalls and dangerous whirlpools, and people are getting hurt. Though there are only a few companies guilty of misconduct, all companies are guilty by association in the eyes of the public. With many companies having to reduce their workforce, more employees are working longer hours at less pay. This is an unfair, but harsh reality to many employees. Our ability to win back the trust of the people is extremely important. We must reassure our employees, stockholders and the American people that our businesses are under ethical leadership. Coaching helps many leaders by supporting them as they deal with Changes, Choices and Principles.

In this White Water environment, Steven Covey goes on to state that we have three constants, which are Change, Choices and Principles. Most of us understand change in that the only thing that never changes is that there will always be change. We are not talking “spare change” here. We are addressing the stress implied within change, and our tendency to hold on to things like the past, procedures, doctrines, schedules, and other things that give us a false since of control. We have all heard the serenity prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Still, for most of us this is a giant leap to accept that we cannot control change, and that about the only thing we can control is our reaction to the changes when they occur. The primary thing I can control is myself and that is a full time job.

Choices lead the way to forward movement when there is an uncomfortable change underway or a conflict. When we cannot have the choice we would like, we often feel stuck, frustrated and sometimes angry. It is important to adopt an attitude of embracing change and perceiving problems as “unprecedented opportunities”. Imagine playing Sherlock Holms and looking for clues or choices. When we do this it is “elementary my dear Watson.” Many of us worry ourselves into depression wishing for options that are simply not available. It often helps to decide in advance that we are going to make certain choices in advance. This is where counseling and coaching is so helpful. There are moments that I call “windows of opportunity”. Life provides us with these critical moments when we can make a difference such as letting go of past worries, taking a stand about an important issue or skipping that dessert we said we did not need. Not reacting to a coworker or spouse out of anger and fear, but out of predetermined consciousness. Being conscious to stay present and on task. The possibility occurs to me that hell on earth is repeatedly deciding to make the same choice about the same issue. A simple example is when many of us struggle every Monday morning deciding if we are going to get out of bed, go to work, or address our responsibilities.

Revisiting these same issues as though they are different or newer choices since the last time we woke up creates physical, mental and emotional stress. We try to run and hide, take drugs/alcohol, tranquilizers, get married, get divorces, and commit suicide or homicide. We may drain our brain of serotonin creating chemical imbalances between our body and mind and requiring the use of anti-depressants such as Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor to name a few. These prescription medications are however a much better choice than suffering with overwhelming sadness, suicide or homicide. The point is to accept change through our choices.

Principles are another constant on which to rely in this White Water environment. This starts with an inward searching and deciding on your own personal principles. When you are in a whitewater environment you must be deeply centered or grounded on a foundation of these principles that you have made into your code of armor or your shield. If you try to adopt the principles of others then your friends and family as well as employees and business associates will see through this mask. It must come from a personal, inner search. In the story of Alice and Wonderland the caterpillar asked Alice, “Who are you?” and she did not know the answer. Who are you in relationship to yourself, your family and your company? The answer to this must be reflected within our personal relationships first, i.e. marriage and family, then our work and community. After World War II, to be successful in Atlanta you had to be trusted. To be trusted people had to really know who you were. As a result it was an unspoken rule that you had to be employed by one of the major companies, be a member of a church, the chamber of commerce and volunteer in a civic organization such as the boy/girl scouts. To be trusted you must model trustworthy behavior. If people really did not know you and trust you then they did not invite you into important business relationships. Trust is a rather difficult term to define, so I often use the word expect or expectation. If people know they can expect you to do what you say and say what you do, trust will usually follow. Another example of a company that had a new management team take over. As a result there was great distrust. The new team promised the employees that the new management team would be honest about any changes that were about to take place and the employees would be told in a timely manner even if the changes were going to have a negative impact. This resulted in the employees having a great deal of trust for their leaders. Other behaviors that lead to trust are admitting when you make a mistake, being deeply centered and the realization that moral authority comes from sacrifice.

Only after establishing a foundation that deals with Change, Choices and Principals, can a person implement the Seven habits of highly effective people. To remind you of these habits they are; to be proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, think win/win, seek first to understand…then to be understood, synergize and sharpen the saw. The EAP provides counseling and coaching. What is coaching and why is it so much in demand? In the past few years, more companies have downsized and there is relatively no middle management mentoring and leading our younger leaders. These younger employees are the very best and brightest with their technical skills. However, they often do not have the people skills necessary to get the job done. These young managers look to the company to provide leadership and mentoring, and are told to just make a profit. The idea that these young managers would join a civic organization, volunteer or devote their free time to the community is not rewarded. They see fellow employees young and old being downsized, right sized or the whole company capsizing while a few make a fortune at the expense of everyone else and that is their modeling.

More companies are providing coaching because it works to help employees with both their professional and personal goals. Defining goals, developing successful habits and staying accountable to the time and resources required are nothing new to athletes. Now these same services are available through the North Pines Center. This is often done over the telephone in a series of 10 to12 sessions. For more information call the North Pines Center, 770-448-1111.